Many years ago I had a teacher who loved driving vintage buses and there was a warehouse filled with them in Devon he would visit all the time. He used to have pictures of the buses fully restored and recordings of the sounds. Being a musician and organist for his church I thought he must hear the sounds differently to the wail I used to hear but one day he told my mother the screech of one of the buses in second gear going up a hill was the same sound he heard inside himself. One of his problems was that his mother had never shown him any love.
My own mother had a mother who was very distant unless you were away from her then her letters were filled with love and good advice. It is very difficult for people who are not shown love at a young age, and recognise the fact enough for it to be a problem for them in later life. Some such children grow up to compensate by adoring their own children but others just carry on the coldness. It is impossible to know why there is the difference in similar circumstances and one may suppose that though some people are unloving because their parents were others are so because it is in their nature to be so.
Whatever the reason it is always deeply sad to forget to tell someone you love them until you are dying.
Hi Daniel
I have to respond to Your latest blog as I ,as You too,will always defend my Mothers character.I realise You have sacrificed Your life for Your mother and it is probably too late for You to be able to absorb any real truth about her nature.However I must inform You that her relationship with Your granny was unhealthy and at times cretainly cruel.
Shanne was obsessed with Your grandfather,she would sit ,stroking his hair and declare her adoration of him to the world,I remember this strange and incestuous behaviour.She was also jealous of his love for Mum and played the part of “spoilt” first born and also “wife”.She used to state that “no man would ever match her father”,which was why her relationships failed.
Mum adored her,but shanne was both needy of support and refused support when Mum needed it.There are so ,so many examples I remember of her being shunned by her,when we arrived in Looe for the first time Shanne didnt even want to let us in.At the time she was having a relationship with Pauls friend ,a Very young boy,she had to leave Looe for an abortion .She also played her part in destroying Paul with very sick ,incestuous behaviour,which he still has not recovered from.When she took Paul away from Mum,he was very young ,that was the cruelest cut ,as Mum adored him.
In Plymouth ,shanne put Mum out on the streets ,the social worker actually asked me if she was on drugs ,as her behaviour was so erratic.Mum then came to live with me in Liverpool when I was at Art school.
Shanne always sacrificed You and Cyra for her men,she was very lucky to get a sacrificial Son but Im afriad she has fed you a pack of lies about her role in the family.You only ate when You were tiny thanks to Your granny.Granny had a terrible life ,she lived with a man who was in and out of jail,her children referred to her as “the old cow”.I am sure That your mothers depression is there because of the lie she has lived and especially the lie she has fed You on a daily basis.It is one thing to be a vehicle for adequate poetry another to live it. I hope You are mature enough to think about this ,I do not write it out of hatred,only Love for someone long gone who was never defended in life ,love Vicki
How strange to read so much pain. I suppose that, since you believe my uncle and sister verbatim, you also believe I have an Oedipus complex and am, as my father called me, my mother’s lackey.
Hi Daniel
I have to respond to Your latest blog as I ,as You too,will always defend my Mothers character.I realise You have sacrificed Your life for Your mother and it is probably too late for You to be able to absorb any real truth about her nature.However I must inform You that her relationship with Your granny was unhealthy and at times cretainly cruel.
Shanne was obsessed with Your grandfather,she would sit ,stroking his hair and declare her adoration of him to the world,I remember this strange and incestuous behaviour.She was also jealous of his love for Mum and played the part of “spoilt” first born and also “wife”.She used to state that “no man would ever match her father”,which was why her relationships failed.
Mum adored her,but shanne was both needy of support and refused support when Mum needed it.There are so ,so many examples I remember of her being shunned by her,when we arrived in Looe for the first time Shanne didnt even want to let us in.At the time she was having a relationship with Pauls friend ,a Very young boy,she had to leave Looe for an abortion .She also played her part in destroying Paul with very sick ,incestuous behaviour,which he still has not recovered from.When she took Paul away from Mum,he was very young ,that was the cruelest cut ,as Mum adored him.
In Plymouth ,shanne put Mum out on the streets ,the social worker actually asked me if she was on drugs ,as her behaviour was so erratic.Mum then came to live with me in Liverpool when I was at Art school.
Shanne always sacrificed You and Cyra for her men,she was very lucky to get a sacrificial Son but Im afriad she has fed you a pack of lies about her role in the family.You only ate when You were tiny thanks to Your granny.Granny had a terrible life ,she lived with a man who was in and out of jail,her children referred to her as “the old cow”.I am sure That your mothers depression is there because of the lie she has lived and especially the lie she has fed You on a daily basis.It is one thing to be a vehicle for adequate poetry another to live it. I hope You are mature enough to think about this ,I do not write it out of hatred,only Love for someone long gone who was never defended in life ,love Vicki
How strange to read so much pain. I suppose that, since you believe my uncle and sister verbatim, you also believe I have an Oedipus complex and am, as my father called me, my mother’s lackey.
There is only loyalty to the memory of my Mother Daniel ,the pain has been collected by ancient ancestors long ago .love
Vicki
There is only loyalty to the memory of my Mother Daniel ,the pain has been collected by ancient ancestors long ago .love
Vicki