It seems to me impossible to live through a week in today’s world without someone apologising for something. From the big ones, like nations apologising to nations, and races to races, to the minor ones run in newspapers of partners apologising to each other and now we see newspapers having to apologise to people. And what are they apologising for? How do you say sorry to anyone for mass murder, for lying, for betrayal? Do words even begin to make a difference?
I think we all believe that life is lived forwards and that somehow the apology puts events in the past firmly into the past so they will no longer haunt the future, but this isn’t true. Memory always makes sure events are not forgotten. The apology is a ritual, like all rituals, that gives us something to focus upon to make the transition from the past to the future simpler, by taking some aggravation out of the possible outcomes. As a ritual it is deeply flawed Because people actually believe it means something more, it means sorry.
A true apology is one given that was not expected or asked for. A true apology is not given after you have been found-out but long before. It comes from your own conscience. From what you know is ethically sound, not from a request or demand.
True apologies are thin on the ground.