Thirty years ago the woman in my bed was twenty but now I know I am old because last night not only was the woman in my bed menopausal and suffering from sweat and hot flushes, I slept on the sofa downstairs. Thankfully this passed as a joke between the two of us when I drove her home today as she was a friend just staying over but when we went through the check list of the couples we know, the likelihood of similar arrangements became apparent.
These changes are natural but the automatic response of some people is to cling to the expectations of youth in which there is no wisdom or acceptance that life is a progress, and change should be embraced as offering new challenges and new possibilities.
Admittedly the challenges of sleeping on the sofa are not great but the challenges of helping a woman through the menopause certainly are. Everything should reflect not only some of her needs but also why her needs have changed and the ability to educate oneself about bodily changes is as important as showing consideration.
Above all else whatever the changes in relationships are people need to establish early on that they can talk about anything. For in the fact of being able to be truthful and heard is all of successful psychiatry and all of successful therapy.